Process Process Processsss

Here's the Gist

Things have progressed and escalated since I last captured a few thoughts. If you've kept up with all three 😅 journal entries, you'll know the trajectory of this year's career move to have gone something like this: I quit my in-house graphic design gig at a financing company, I started freelancing as both a designer and an illustrator, I wire-wrapped some crystals, made a few pins and, AND, I started painting again.

Something at play has come alive, maybe I have, finally. It's the dance, interpreted through the lens of my own curiosity and obsession with memory and the mind. I’ve had a lot of time to myself, and continue to need it, to become comfortable with the work I’m currently undertaking. I’ve shifted my use of time spent on things related to illustration or graphic design, to painting. Anywhere and everywhere, as often as possible, on as many surfaces as I can imagine. I've since created a few series that incorporate both paintings and photographs, a lot of art prints and more recently, canvases. I feel super blessed to have sold two pieces. 

“But Art? As a career?” This is where I conjure my inner-hippie: affirmations, self-love and self-care to vanquish any pre-programmed thoughts that no longer serve me, etc. It’s been a wonderful practice to combat my own criticism. I’ve claimed that art is my career and the Universe has responded in a pretty cool and significant way.

It's About the Journey, Brenda!

And don't let her convince you otherwise! When exploration gets frustrating, or when a day or two don't inspire me I often have to tell myself that even these experiences and discoveries are a part of the process that will eventually lead me to where I need to be. Can't help but emphasize that affirmations (meditations, mantras, mumblings) are helpful in convincing myself physically (the vibration of my own voice) as well as mentally, spiritually. When a seemingly “off day” presents itself where even the tiniest mark is difficult, I take the opportunity to go outside, grab coffee, indulge in Imperial Beach, or honestly veg the fuck out on my phone for an hour or so. I’ve learned to give myself these days because recharging is important for an INFJ like me and it is vital to my well-being, Brenda.

Queso Where Does This Leave Me?

So here’s something terrifying: I DON’T KNOW, LINDA. And, at this point in my career, I’ve never been more okay with that. It may have taken 32 years to get comfortable enough with who I am and what I’m now pursuing but damn if it doesn’t feel good. There’s a never-ending sense of gratitude that really intensifies when you start to embark upon something like this to really get into the meat of your purpose. It gets messy, it gets raw, and without love and support from family and friends it’d be a lonely path to walk. Which is why I’m alright if gratitude ends up being the only resounding lesson I’ve learned so far (plot twist: IT ISN’T).